Treasure

"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." ~Luke 12:32-34

I took a break from studying last night and went to visit a friend up the street. This verse reminds me of him. I so admire the way his life shows obedience to God's word in ways such as this. Giving up worldly comforts and giving to the poor (possessions, time, and love) is not easily done - as you probably know. Yet, he does it with such grace and humility.
My path has crossed with so many memorable people and I must say that he is another whose trust and love for the Lord have taught me a great deal in a short amount of time.

some days I feel like giving away everything and moving to the most "needy" places on earth. It sounds so freeing! Oh how sweet to have nothing but what you give to others. Other days I cling to small comforts in the midst of chaos. Still other days I remember that not all who are needy appear the same. Finances, appearance, location - these are not indicators of someone's spiritual needs and moreover, many in need are but feet away from me.

Lord, I pray that you will release me from the chains of worldly pleasures and comforts. Give me the heart of a servant and help me be obedient to your will. Open my eyes to the true treasures of this life and the needs of those around me. ~Amen

When I

God changes me - when i let him.
Spending time with God through prayer, word, praise, and silence creates a new day and life for me. I am thankful that He is a skilled potter, loving father, and gracious redeemer who can turn my darkest hours into rivers of joy!

It seems that with only one of my insuffiecient and tiny steps toward Him, God runs to me, lifts me up in His strong arms and carries me through all my struggles.

All is well with my soul.

Poetic Discipline

Not sure why, but I am in the mood to post this morning. This often happens when I'm consistently having quiet time in the mornings. God reveals so many things to me sometimes that I feel like I can't possibly hold them in. Of course, now that I'm posting I can't decide what to share.....
Okay, I have been reading this verse for days now. Most of you are probably familiar with it, but I find myself reading it over and over each morning:

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. ~Psalm 55:22
Wow, even typing this moves me. In addition this morning I read:
Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. ~Mt. 11:28-30

Okay, I am not a poetry buff, I can't quote or even probably remember a specific poet or poem that I've read or been moved by, but I increasingly appreciate or even adore poetry. This has been a growing interest for me over the past several months. I find poems to be an amazing form of expression and catch myself reading and thinking of them quite frequently.

God is the ultimate poet. Just reading these verses shifts my paradigm and leaves me changed. They may not seem to be what we traditionally consider poetry, but they evoke emotion and as I read them, the words roll off my tongue and into my heart.

Coffee Talk

I was talking with some friends over coffee the other night and the subject of marriage came up. There was a quite interesting perspective being thrown around so I thought I would share it and see what you think.

While I don’t remember the exact base comment for the discussion, I believe it was something along the lines of “What’s so bad about settling for someone?” Being the hopeless romantic that I am, initially I was horrified. Then as I listened and thought about it more, it started to sound different. Arranged marriages were brought up as an example. They seldom end in divorce and actually, many couples have strong and happy relationships.

I am skipping many details, but the main point was that God can work through anything. While it is nice to have the freedom of selecting our mate, there might not be a true ideal. In other words, perhaps there are several people with whom you could have a wonderful and God-centered relationship. In addition, you could choose someone who is all that you’ve dreamed of and yet have a terrible life together.

Since this is a difficult subject for me to ponder, I added only a few comments to the conversation.
First, I agree that love is a choice and marriage is not something God designed for everyone.
Second, despite the exhaustive mental list we might create regarding our future mate, what really counts is their heart for the Lord. Really seeking God first creates strong character, and that is the base for all actions.
That said, all people have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. All will mess up, hurt us, and disappoint us. In wake of all this pain that will accompany the joys of marriage, I want to be able to see, respect, and love my husband’s character. When he does something profoundly stupid or hurtful, I want to know that it is not born of his deepest self, but see instead the struggle that is causing him to stumble. After all, it will be in the next moment that I will need understanding and forgiveness.
Lastly, I believe that marriage has been idealized in our culture and given power that it cannot hold. We will find ourselves empty and hardened if we turn to our significant other for what only God can provide.

Aside from the above thoughts, I don't forsee any resolution for me on the topic of marraige and divine plans. Oddly, I am okay with this. Whether i understand it or not, things will happen as they always have and should.
Still, feel free to share all your different views.

Poetic Tragedy

My heart aches from all its yearning;
How loud is the silence of supression
Cries for all that is worth risking fall deaf at the feet of fear
The battle rages all around

Come!
Consume all that is known with that which has never been
Reveal among the thorns, a refuge of comfort
Extend the gentle quiet of understanding,
Where words are but waste against the moment

A void lined with emptiness and fear,
Finally filled and overflowing ever more.

Through all my longing, I am yet at the beginning
Wilst tomorrow I may arrive
Yet there can be no arrival
For each end is yet another beginning

Several paths weave a single journey
Is to choose one way, to lose another



Protection from emptiness and fear no more
Invest in what is now,
Invest in what is to come
What am I longing for,
You never leave, but I rarely feel you
Always near, but never close
Oh the images of deciet, from nowhere they apear
Behold, it is trickery of my own device

Verse

It didn't take me too long to find the chains you just had freed me from. I got so used to having them on, I didn't know how to live in freedom.
What is it in the nature of man that draws us away from our purpose? To despise things of God and love the things that hurt us. - Dress down your pretty faith and give me something real.....Speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside. (S.Groves)
I can't see the sun for the daylight. I can't feel your breath for the wind....Built another temple to a stranger. Gave away my heart to the rushing wind. I'd rather feel the pain all to familiar, than be broken by a lover I don't understand. (Jars)

The pathway is broken, and the signs are unclear..... And I don't know the reason why you brought me here.......I'm not who I was when I took my first step, and I'm clinging to the promise your not threw with me yet. It may not be the way I would have chosen, when you lead me through a world that's not my home. You never said it would be easy, you only said I'd never go alone........I'll remember the suffering your love put you thorugh, and I'll go through the valley if you want me to. (G. Owens)

My dreams are not the issue here, for thee the hammer holds....The question still remains, what am I to be? .......I'm in your hands. (Bebo)

I want to leave a legacy. How will they remember me? Not well traveled, not well read, not well to do or well bread. (N. Nordeman)

Someone hear my cry, I'm dying for new life. I want to be worthy of love and beautiful. Sometimes I wish I were someone other than me - fighting to make the mirror happy. trying to find whatever is missing...Look inside my heart and be amazed. You make me beautiful, you make me stand in awe. You step inside my heart and I am amazed. - Gaze into my eyes and let me know you'd fight thousands for my love..... Some nights it's hard to be alone. But the finish line, it drives me on.(B. Dillon)

We were meant to live for so much more, but we lost ourselves....We are a beautiful letdown. In a world of bitter pains and bitter doubts, I was trying so hard to fit in, until I found out that I don't belong here. (Switchfoot)

I am

I am not a great writer or a great thinker. I do not have a perfect love or perfect strength.

I am a great creation, and I do have a perfect purpose.

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other. John 15:15-17 NIV

Bread Mold

I have developed a habit of writing blog entries and saving them as drafts never to be posted. What's odd is that few of them are personal.

- am I censoring myself? If so, why?
- maybe its just lack of time and forgetfulness
- Perhaps some days I am just selfish with my thoughts. That said, what a crazy motive!?! As if anyone really cares, or knows for that matter, if I share or don't share my thoughts here.

In all honesty, I think it might have something to do with the lack of depth in my thoughts recently. I am just so tired, that when I get a chance to blog I am completely void of the ability to convey anything worth reading. Now, the real question to ask myself is: Why do I feel the need to post something "worth reading?"

Pride sneaks up on me.

I detest pride. It reminds me of bread mold. It starts with a small speck directly in the center, then quietly spreads into every other part. Even when things seem a little hard to swallow, the attack goes unoticed or ignored until it reaches the outside.

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
but with humility comes wisdom." Prov. 11:2

Mail

WANTED: white mail, penned with familiar style, post marked from a meaningful place

There have been great gains in technology over the past decades, of which I am thankful for and take full advantage. With all great gains though, are great losses. As some of you know, I have an ongoing quandary with my position on some aspects of technology-namely TV. On one hand, I could list several positive effects, but tonight I am thinking of many losses.
While I could provide a long, detailed, and frankly boring list - there is no need. My underlying reasoning for adding each item to the list would most likely be the same. The way I see it, the most profound loss has been the loss of the personal. I do not mean personal in the private sense, but rather a personal touch, a connectedness. Example: This blog is a reflection of me, but perhaps not as complete a picture as a letter (in my own handwriting, with tear marks or coffee stains) would be.
There is something to be said for time and effort. There is little effort involved with typing out my random thoughts such as this. If, however, I were to write a letter to each of you, it would require a great deal more on my part. Even if every letter said the same thing, they would be different, and they would be weighted with a piece of my intent, effort, and time.

I originally started this entry because I received a personal letter. I LOVE getting mail! - real mail, not email. Not that a friendly note through email isn't nice or meaningful, and even at times quite exciting - some things will just never be as good as the original. I love that with real mail - as soon as I see the stationary, penmanship, or rough edges - I see the person who sent it.

Long nights

Help, I have insomnia........

I am not able to fall asleep lately and there doesn't seem to be much to do about it. The positive side is that I'm getting a ton of chores and reading done throughout the night. A negative side effect is morning grogginess and procrastination. This morning my alarm went off for almost half an hour before I heard it. This whole situation makes me feel out of sorts.
Since my apartment is sweltering on the third floor and my roommate and I cannot afford to turn on the air conditioning just yet, I was forced to take down the foil from my windows last night in hopes that they are not painted shut. Luckily they are not, however, the screen is broken and I am nervous about being overtaken by bugs - or squirrels.
Ya know, some people have done amazingly creative things while experiencing insomnia...........of course, i realize that my moderate incoherency at this point is a sign that I am not part of those few.
Well, I guess I should attempt getting ready for work. Although, I will admit there is something scary about facing a school of adolescents with severe behavior and emotional difficulties, without a good night's rest and alert thinking. Today should be interesting ;o)