Coffee Talk
I was talking with some friends over coffee the other night and the subject of marriage came up. There was a quite interesting perspective being thrown around so I thought I would share it and see what you think.
While I don’t remember the exact base comment for the discussion, I believe it was something along the lines of “What’s so bad about settling for someone?” Being the hopeless romantic that I am, initially I was horrified. Then as I listened and thought about it more, it started to sound different. Arranged marriages were brought up as an example. They seldom end in divorce and actually, many couples have strong and happy relationships.
I am skipping many details, but the main point was that God can work through anything. While it is nice to have the freedom of selecting our mate, there might not be a true ideal. In other words, perhaps there are several people with whom you could have a wonderful and God-centered relationship. In addition, you could choose someone who is all that you’ve dreamed of and yet have a terrible life together.
Since this is a difficult subject for me to ponder, I added only a few comments to the conversation.
First, I agree that love is a choice and marriage is not something God designed for everyone.
Second, despite the exhaustive mental list we might create regarding our future mate, what really counts is their heart for the Lord. Really seeking God first creates strong character, and that is the base for all actions.
That said, all people have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. All will mess up, hurt us, and disappoint us. In wake of all this pain that will accompany the joys of marriage, I want to be able to see, respect, and love my husband’s character. When he does something profoundly stupid or hurtful, I want to know that it is not born of his deepest self, but see instead the struggle that is causing him to stumble. After all, it will be in the next moment that I will need understanding and forgiveness.
Lastly, I believe that marriage has been idealized in our culture and given power that it cannot hold. We will find ourselves empty and hardened if we turn to our significant other for what only God can provide.
Aside from the above thoughts, I don't forsee any resolution for me on the topic of marraige and divine plans. Oddly, I am okay with this. Whether i understand it or not, things will happen as they always have and should.
Still, feel free to share all your different views.
While I don’t remember the exact base comment for the discussion, I believe it was something along the lines of “What’s so bad about settling for someone?” Being the hopeless romantic that I am, initially I was horrified. Then as I listened and thought about it more, it started to sound different. Arranged marriages were brought up as an example. They seldom end in divorce and actually, many couples have strong and happy relationships.
I am skipping many details, but the main point was that God can work through anything. While it is nice to have the freedom of selecting our mate, there might not be a true ideal. In other words, perhaps there are several people with whom you could have a wonderful and God-centered relationship. In addition, you could choose someone who is all that you’ve dreamed of and yet have a terrible life together.
Since this is a difficult subject for me to ponder, I added only a few comments to the conversation.
First, I agree that love is a choice and marriage is not something God designed for everyone.
Second, despite the exhaustive mental list we might create regarding our future mate, what really counts is their heart for the Lord. Really seeking God first creates strong character, and that is the base for all actions.
That said, all people have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. All will mess up, hurt us, and disappoint us. In wake of all this pain that will accompany the joys of marriage, I want to be able to see, respect, and love my husband’s character. When he does something profoundly stupid or hurtful, I want to know that it is not born of his deepest self, but see instead the struggle that is causing him to stumble. After all, it will be in the next moment that I will need understanding and forgiveness.
Lastly, I believe that marriage has been idealized in our culture and given power that it cannot hold. We will find ourselves empty and hardened if we turn to our significant other for what only God can provide.
Aside from the above thoughts, I don't forsee any resolution for me on the topic of marraige and divine plans. Oddly, I am okay with this. Whether i understand it or not, things will happen as they always have and should.
Still, feel free to share all your different views.
posted by SBean at 11:48 AM
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