Tough Crowd
My evening class just let out. It was a difficult and intense two hours that felt like four days.
The class is titled "Spirituality and Social Work", just the name makes me cringe. Ironically, this is one of my elective courses - go figure. I so often torture myself in the name of growth. Anyway, tonight we began by discussing ways to address faith in practice, moved from there to discrimination based on faith etc.., then majority U.S. culture vs. minority culture, and then lastly (and the reason I am so tense), the professor asked us to share our own personal beliefs. Now, as a Christian, something inside told me that I should be excited and thankful for the opportunity to share my faith, but then other parts of me began screaming with terror and fear. "What does that mean?" "Is there a context for understanding what I believe here?" I can tell you that it is very stressful to voice your personal beliefs when those listening may make general judgments about a whole group (protestant chrisitans) based on your comments, and when the "group" they associate you with is seen by them as judgmental, exclusive, and oppressive.
For any of you that don't know, I have had quite a few negative experiences at Wash U. related to my spiritual beliefs. Since social work is grounded in helping the oppressed or minorities- a majority, dominant, and exclusive religious belief is not welcomed with open arms. (I realize Jesus life was all about helping the oppressed, poor, & those without a voice, but sadly many people do not view Christianity in that way)
Many of my classmates have been hurt by Christians & churches in the past and they make that very clear. All this is to set the context under which I was asked to share my beliefs with several other classmates - none of which consider themselves to be Christians.
In addition, many share the mindset that Christians are out to "convert" others as their main goal in life and therefore search for ulterior motives in everything we say. While leading people to Christ is a biblical teaching, I believe the way it is applied in our lives can vary. My personal beliefs about "sharing the good news" may differ quite a bit from mainstream protestant beliefs. I lean more toward being obedient to God and knowing that He uses me in ways that may not be fully clear at the time. In other words, I don't wake up everyday and simply set out to "convert" people to Christianity. I view my duties as a Christian as something much bigger through which that goal is ultimately achieved. For me that means everyday I wake up with the goals of loving others as Christ loves me and drawing into a closer relationship with God (the Trinity).
Okay, so there I sat around a large conference table with several classmates staring at me and all their preconceived notions weighing on my shoulders. Top that with my introverted personality and the possibility of being misunderstood, offensive, or challenged in a way for which I was not prepared. Before speaking I prayed for boldness, wisdom, and God's divine intervention with my words, but still I fell short by worrying and not being confident and strong in God's plan and power. I want to speak with power, assurance, and a full trust in God.
Sharing my personal beliefs in a public arena is scary because it leaves me open for all kinds of criticism and judgment. At the same time, I am soooo thankful for these opportunities because I know God helps me grow through challenges. With every scary questions I've asked, criticism I've heard, and trial I've faced, my faith has increased despite my initial fears that the opposite would occur.
The class is titled "Spirituality and Social Work", just the name makes me cringe. Ironically, this is one of my elective courses - go figure. I so often torture myself in the name of growth. Anyway, tonight we began by discussing ways to address faith in practice, moved from there to discrimination based on faith etc.., then majority U.S. culture vs. minority culture, and then lastly (and the reason I am so tense), the professor asked us to share our own personal beliefs. Now, as a Christian, something inside told me that I should be excited and thankful for the opportunity to share my faith, but then other parts of me began screaming with terror and fear. "What does that mean?" "Is there a context for understanding what I believe here?" I can tell you that it is very stressful to voice your personal beliefs when those listening may make general judgments about a whole group (protestant chrisitans) based on your comments, and when the "group" they associate you with is seen by them as judgmental, exclusive, and oppressive.
For any of you that don't know, I have had quite a few negative experiences at Wash U. related to my spiritual beliefs. Since social work is grounded in helping the oppressed or minorities- a majority, dominant, and exclusive religious belief is not welcomed with open arms. (I realize Jesus life was all about helping the oppressed, poor, & those without a voice, but sadly many people do not view Christianity in that way)
Many of my classmates have been hurt by Christians & churches in the past and they make that very clear. All this is to set the context under which I was asked to share my beliefs with several other classmates - none of which consider themselves to be Christians.
In addition, many share the mindset that Christians are out to "convert" others as their main goal in life and therefore search for ulterior motives in everything we say. While leading people to Christ is a biblical teaching, I believe the way it is applied in our lives can vary. My personal beliefs about "sharing the good news" may differ quite a bit from mainstream protestant beliefs. I lean more toward being obedient to God and knowing that He uses me in ways that may not be fully clear at the time. In other words, I don't wake up everyday and simply set out to "convert" people to Christianity. I view my duties as a Christian as something much bigger through which that goal is ultimately achieved. For me that means everyday I wake up with the goals of loving others as Christ loves me and drawing into a closer relationship with God (the Trinity).
Okay, so there I sat around a large conference table with several classmates staring at me and all their preconceived notions weighing on my shoulders. Top that with my introverted personality and the possibility of being misunderstood, offensive, or challenged in a way for which I was not prepared. Before speaking I prayed for boldness, wisdom, and God's divine intervention with my words, but still I fell short by worrying and not being confident and strong in God's plan and power. I want to speak with power, assurance, and a full trust in God.
Sharing my personal beliefs in a public arena is scary because it leaves me open for all kinds of criticism and judgment. At the same time, I am soooo thankful for these opportunities because I know God helps me grow through challenges. With every scary questions I've asked, criticism I've heard, and trial I've faced, my faith has increased despite my initial fears that the opposite would occur.
posted by SBean at 7:52 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home