me?
I'm sick and tired of being me. Waking up everyday to the same weaknesses and shortcomings. Watching the same struggles end the same way, over and over again.
I would like to trade lives with someone just for a little while. To wake up tomorrow with a petite figure, or with a quick wit, or a complete dedication to the Lord - to possess artistic talent, a beautiful voice, or have at least some unique and defining feature. To be one of those people that I see never messing up or that seems to have everything together. To wake up as one of those that I admire and respect so much.
I know that nobody is as together as they seem from the outside, but just to trade struggles for a while. What are their thoughts like - as unclear as mine? Perhaps. But maybe they really do have it together; maybe they're happy, content.
I am sick of tension between brothers and sisters in Christ. I am sick of fakeness and masks. I am sick of feeling so disenchanted. I am sick of being guilty of all these things.
Why do I write things like this on my blog instead of clever and funny anecdotes or political opinions? Anecdotes are much more entertaining and let's be honest - no one really wants to read about, or cares about my junk. Everyone has their own junk to worry with, why read about someone else's? Blah blah blah.........Whatever - I don't care. This is me and unfortunately I am stuck as an over analytical, neurotic, and random person. Crazy? Maybe some think so, and maybe they're right. I certainly feel that way sometimes when I am overly stressed or emotional. Women!?!? ;o)
Same old struggles. I don't want to stumble anymore, but I equally don't want to self-reflect anymore. I am sick of looking at me - the ugliness and emptiness.
Life is disheartening lately and I have to ask myself, "What am I doing all this for?"
What really matters in my life? ...............I'm exhausted. I feel that I have no time for real things.
Alas, I don't care and don't want to think about it. I'm sure you don't either.
I concede.
I would like to trade lives with someone just for a little while. To wake up tomorrow with a petite figure, or with a quick wit, or a complete dedication to the Lord - to possess artistic talent, a beautiful voice, or have at least some unique and defining feature. To be one of those people that I see never messing up or that seems to have everything together. To wake up as one of those that I admire and respect so much.
I know that nobody is as together as they seem from the outside, but just to trade struggles for a while. What are their thoughts like - as unclear as mine? Perhaps. But maybe they really do have it together; maybe they're happy, content.
I am sick of tension between brothers and sisters in Christ. I am sick of fakeness and masks. I am sick of feeling so disenchanted. I am sick of being guilty of all these things.
Why do I write things like this on my blog instead of clever and funny anecdotes or political opinions? Anecdotes are much more entertaining and let's be honest - no one really wants to read about, or cares about my junk. Everyone has their own junk to worry with, why read about someone else's? Blah blah blah.........Whatever - I don't care. This is me and unfortunately I am stuck as an over analytical, neurotic, and random person. Crazy? Maybe some think so, and maybe they're right. I certainly feel that way sometimes when I am overly stressed or emotional. Women!?!? ;o)
Same old struggles. I don't want to stumble anymore, but I equally don't want to self-reflect anymore. I am sick of looking at me - the ugliness and emptiness.
Life is disheartening lately and I have to ask myself, "What am I doing all this for?"
What really matters in my life? ...............I'm exhausted. I feel that I have no time for real things.
Alas, I don't care and don't want to think about it. I'm sure you don't either.
I concede.
posted by SBean at 9:45 PM
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