Divided
I am divided.
What I feel and what I should feel
What I do and what I should do
What I want and what I should want
This is a constant battle between Flesh & Spirit.
I want my mother to be well and live as long as I do - I should want whatever God's will is. Is this right? I feel confused because there are so many gray areas. If I pray for healing is that wrong? I try to encompass both by tacking on, "If its your will" after my requests. This feels generic though and I want to be genuine with God.
It doesn't make sense, but I'm afraid to get really emotional and honest with God sometimes. I find it difficult to admit that I want Him to fix my mother and that I want her here with me, even if it isn't His will. This is incredibly selfish and makes the weakness of my faith too real. Somewhere deep inside me is the voice of the spirit that understands death and sickness and does want God's will. This same part of me knows that His will is perfect and only good can come from it. That side of me submits, but what do I do with the other half? I do want God's will above all else and I just wish that the doubtful and weak side that steals my joy would disappear.
When I really open up to God my Father, Savior, Comforter, and Friend, he gives me peace. Still, I have trouble letting go and being completely open. God knows all of me, but laying weaknesses out in front of Him is not easy. It includes being honest with myself.
I was discussing sin with a friend from DR the other night and he talked about knowing your weaknesses in order to win battles.
My take on it : True. Knowing is half the battle - with that comes confession, submission, and petitioning. The other half is faith, provisions, God's grace and amazing power. We can't do it alone.
God - help me be real, honest, and open as I lay my fears, feelings, and desires before you.
"We are a beautiful letdown." ~ Switchfoot
What I feel and what I should feel
What I do and what I should do
What I want and what I should want
This is a constant battle between Flesh & Spirit.
I want my mother to be well and live as long as I do - I should want whatever God's will is. Is this right? I feel confused because there are so many gray areas. If I pray for healing is that wrong? I try to encompass both by tacking on, "If its your will" after my requests. This feels generic though and I want to be genuine with God.
It doesn't make sense, but I'm afraid to get really emotional and honest with God sometimes. I find it difficult to admit that I want Him to fix my mother and that I want her here with me, even if it isn't His will. This is incredibly selfish and makes the weakness of my faith too real. Somewhere deep inside me is the voice of the spirit that understands death and sickness and does want God's will. This same part of me knows that His will is perfect and only good can come from it. That side of me submits, but what do I do with the other half? I do want God's will above all else and I just wish that the doubtful and weak side that steals my joy would disappear.
When I really open up to God my Father, Savior, Comforter, and Friend, he gives me peace. Still, I have trouble letting go and being completely open. God knows all of me, but laying weaknesses out in front of Him is not easy. It includes being honest with myself.
I was discussing sin with a friend from DR the other night and he talked about knowing your weaknesses in order to win battles.
My take on it : True. Knowing is half the battle - with that comes confession, submission, and petitioning. The other half is faith, provisions, God's grace and amazing power. We can't do it alone.
God - help me be real, honest, and open as I lay my fears, feelings, and desires before you.
"We are a beautiful letdown." ~ Switchfoot
posted by SBean at 9:16 AM
1 Comments:
hey Shell, thanks.
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