Monday, November 01, 2004

Crying

I cry at least once a month. Of course I am a girl and I'm thinking thats around average. This past month, however, I have been crying a lot. The reasons for this past month vary, but yesterday was different.
It was the first time in a long time that I have cried over my relationship with God. It is a different kind of sadness because it is much more intense and real. My realtionship with God is not temporal like most things that I get upset over, it is eternal and the basis for my everything. It is my life line. I miss spending time with God, he's my best friend. When I neglect him I feel this emptiness inside that makes me more sad than I can ever describe. He doesn't leave me and i know that, but that is part of what makes me so sad. What would you feel like if you ignored and neglected your best friend and he/she just ran after you and continued to love and support you. My guess is that you would feel pretty crappy as I do. I want to give God my best, not because I am trying to earn his love ( I know I don't have to), but because he deserves so much more than I could ever give him. He gives to me freely all that I need and I have trouble giving him two hours a day.
Sure, as I go through the day I say little prayers and thank him here and there but that is not a relationship, at least not a strong one. Also, it is not what he is asking for. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ~Deuteronomy 6:5
I heard the song "Jesusfreak" by DC Talk, for the first time this past weekend. I know you are thinking -"wow where has she been?" - and I get that a lot so I really don't have an answer except that I'm pretty weird. I'm not sure when the song came out but I didn't dedicate my life to Christ until 1999 so that might have something to do with it. Anyway, I heard it and the chorus portrays exactly how I feel. I want to be a Jesus Freak.

...let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven" ~Mt. 5:16 "
...perfect love drives out fear.........we love because he first loved us" ~ 1John 4:18-19

So many verses have been dancing around my head this weekend and so I will share a few:
"Let your yes be yes and your no be no.." - James 5:12

"Test everything. Hold on to the good.Avoid every kind of evil" 1 Th. 5:21-22
" In all you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for men." Col. 3:23
"...clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. " Col 3:12
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Ph. 2:5
"Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgement on disputable matters." Rm. 14:1

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